SATIRE – In an alternative universe Bill Gates has called

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    A note from The Editor – when we first published this article we should have made it clear at the beginning that it was satire rather than at the end. We did not do this and we apologise…

    However, an investigation (which is entirely factual) into the shocking ties between Mr Bill Gates, Moderna, and the U.K. Medicine Regulator has now been published with explosive revelations into the real reason the Moderna injection has been given emergency authorisation for use in children. Please read it here and share it widely.

    Thank you

    Note – The following satire is fictional in that Mr. Gates has made no such speech and the Gates Foundation has not established any funds to compensate vaccine victims or to make available effective, inexpensive COVID-19 remedies. All the rest of the article is factual – W. Gelles

    In a shocking announcement, Bill Gates, billionaire Microsoft co-founder and the major force behind the COVID-19 vaccines, called for all the COVID-19 genetic-based vaccines to be taken off the market immediately.

    In an often anguished 19-minute televised speech, Gates said: “We made a terrible mistake. We wanted to protect people against a dangerous virus. But it turns out the virus is much less dangerous than we thought. And the vaccine is far more dangerous than anyone imagined.”

    “These vaccines—Pfizer, Moderna, Johnson & Johnson, AstraZeneca—they’re killing people left and right—and they’re injuring some people very badly,” Gates continued, waving his hands in the air at times for dramatic effect.

    “The government’s own data shows us this is what’s happening. The CDC’s reporting system is showing, what?…around 13,000 deaths so far in the U.S. and over half a million adverse events. Well, we all know the reporting system is a sham.

    “We know that VAERS [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Vaccine Adverse Events Reporting System] captures only around one percent of what’s going on. So we’re talking over a million deaths from these Covid vaccines, and more than 60 million people with bad side effects.”

    “This is not what we wanted. This is not acceptable,” Mr. Gates asserted.

    Wall Street shares of all the major Covid vaccine companies plummeted by 20% to 30% as Mr. Gates announced that he was joining the urgent Citizen Petition filed by Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s Children’s Health Defense organization calling on the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to immediately withdraw all the COVID vaccines from the market.

    Gates continued: “Too many people who take these vaccines drop dead…one day, two days, five days after getting the shot. Other people suffer paralysis, blindness, convulsions, heart attacks, immune system collapse, blood clots, brain inflammation, lung or kidney damage, miscarriages, autoimmune disease, multiple organ system failure, permanent profound fatigue, and many other horrible problems.

    “Of course, our Media Mouthpieces—I mean the mainstream news media, dismiss all these tragedies as ‘just a coincidence.’”

    “The reason they say that,” Gates explained, “is because of what I did at Event 201, a Coronavirus Pandemic Simulation held in New York in October 2019 just a few weeks before we announced the actual pandemic. I got all the major newspapers, TV channels, and radio stations to agree to stick with the Official Narrative—‘the vaccines are safe and effective’—and to censor anybody who questions this line of BS.

    “So the public never got to hear the evidence from hundreds of distinguished doctors and medical researchers who warned that the vaccines are dangerous and often lethal.” 

    “That was a huge mistake on my part,” Gates maintained, looking weary and at times teary-eyed. “We never should have done that. People have every right to be well-informed, to get all the facts so they can make a rational decision.”

    Changing the topic as if to elicit sympathy, Mr. Gates confided: “I’ve been going through a rough time and doing a lot of soul-searching since Melinda dumped me. This divorce has caused me to take a good hard look at myself. I don’t want to be remembered as a monster who killed millions of people through deadly vaccines. I am not a monster. I am not a mass murderer. I don’t want to be remembered as a mass murderer by my family, my friends, and my company.

    “Some people have called me a sociopath or even a psychopath because of my visionary schemes to help humanity—like reducing global warming by spraying dust into the upper atmosphere, or releasing millions of genetically-modified mosquitoes to combat dengue and Zika virus.”

    “Melinda didn’t understand my dreams. She didn’t understand my relationship with Jeffrey Epstein… It was purely a casual friendship and had nothing to do with having sex with underage girls. Jeff ran a blackmail ring for Mossad, Israel’s spy agency, and I would never be so dumb as to risk putting myself in a compromising position.”

    “But getting back to these vaccines,” Mr. Gates shifted gears as he regained his composure, “These products quite frankly do not meet the legal or scientific definition of a vaccine. They’re highly experimental injections which genetically instruct a person’s body to manufacture zillions of spike proteins. The injected material travels everywhere through the bloodstream, and soon your whole body is making these damn spike proteins.

    “Now, the whistleblowers were telling us for over a year that the spike protein is a pathogen—it’s toxic and it also creates blood clots and damages multiple organs. Well, it turns out they were absolutely correct.  And there’s other cutting-edge science in these vaccines that also turned out to be harmful, like a magnetic ingredient which turns people into human transmitters/receivers, but I am not at liberty to discuss these issues today, under the advice of legal counsel.”

    “We thought we were doing some really cool things with these Covid vaccines—‘actually hacking the software of life,’ as my good friend Tal Zaks, Moderna’s Chief Medical Officer, once boasted.  But we went too far.  We blew it,” Gates confessed in a rare admission of defeat.

    “Basically,” the Microsoft mogul conceded, “we tricked people…

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